Line King calls upsets for Florida, Auburn - WSMV Channel 4

The Line King: Upsets await in Week 2 of SEC, CFB action

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The following column is satire and presented for entertainment purposes only.

(RNN) - Well it's always good to get things off to a roaring start. The Line King posted an 8-4 mark in Week 1, but the real damage came on the fields of major colleges who paid six figures to lower division cupcakes that didn't read the clause about rolling over and losing.

The McNeeses scored 52 on South Florida, Eastern Washington thumped Oregon State, North Dakota State's 80-yard game-winning scoring drive ruined Kansas State's weekend and that wasn't even the biggest disaster. How about the red-headed stepchild of Illinois schools, Eastern Illinois, stomping San Diego State 49-10? Banished to the Isle of Ohio Valley Conference, they are now known for something other than the legacy of Tony Romo.

Looking ahead: The SEC has a slim week of interesting contests, but there are few others you'll want to keep an eye on.

Week 1 results: 8-4 ATS

Saturday, Sept. 1

Florida @ Miami +2: Miami has deemed this a "White-out" Game. When will schools learn these are usually epic failures, especially in stadiums where seats tend to outnumber fans? In this case, maybe Miami is banking on Gator fan apparel confusion. The Line King will roll the dice and take the ‘Canes.

Miami (OH) @ Kentucky -13.5: OK, how much lower can it get for Big Blue after losing to rival WKU? A rivalry game is usually predicated by one of the teams winning once in a while … in this case Kentucky. This team isn't Miami (FL) and doesn't have Ben Roethlisberger, so The Line King will spin the wheel and hope Kentucky can cover.

South Florida @ Michigan State -17.5: South Florida has officially joined the Wannabe Division of Florida football. If they rolled "Snake Eyes" in last week's crushing at the hands of The McNeeses, how can they handle the Spartans?

Oklahoma State -28.5 @ UT-San Antonio: Fun Fact - Okie State is trying to become the first school in NCAA history to participate in games held in Houston, San Antone, Lubbock and, if lucky, Dallas. Let it ride and take TBoone.

South Carolina +6 @ Georgia: Rumor has it the Home Depot in Athens has run out of "For Sale" signs. The Visor is Georgia's "Double Zero" and covers the 6 points, but if, IF the Dawgs fall short again, this could be the biggest mutiny in CFB history.

UAB @ LSU -33.5: UA's B team's lone, epic signature win was in Red Stick what seems like three decades ago during Nick Saban's first season there. This weekend's Daily Double – a Tiger cover and no For Sale signs on The Hat's lawn Sunday morning.

Arkansas State +6 @ Auburn: Oh boy, in what might turn into a scene from The Departed, the Red Wolves pull "Triple 7's" and send the Barn fans home with lots of toilet paper to spare.

Western Kentucky +13.5 @ Rocky Top: The Line King is still waiting for pictures of The Neck Brace pacing the sidelines last week. Maybe this week he will ride a Harley onto the field? Or both. Put it all on "Red" and take the Towels.

Alcorn State @ Miss State: Seriously?

Austin Peay @ Vandy: Austin Peay will officially take over Miss State's to-be-announced-shortly vacated SEC slot beginning next season. Vandy's fan is excited.

Toledo @ Missouri -10: After handling Fred McMurray State last week, the Tigers take on their annual MAC team (someone please send a memo to the MAC – we get it!!!!). It will take The Line King at least 15 years to remember Mizzou is in the $EC. OK, cash out and take the $EC's other Tigers.

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